This is what i have to say

Hahahaha i cannot stop laughing at how corny the title ’sounds’. corny berabis and im laughing at my very own ‘lemm’ jok. its pannniiii..and sad.

I want banana crumble. My apetite’s on hols. I don’t know where it’s gone to. I don’t crave for food these past 3 days. just to fill the tummy. except today, aku mau mini california maki. mcm aku berabis berabis mau. amal suruh babu bawakan tp i dont know klw dapat or not. so a friend thinks, dunia kan kiamat. pasal aku nda mau makan. mcm saad jua im known just for my apetite. heheheheh. sekali aku rasa its time of the month pasal aku sng menyamal these days. mcm semua pfffftt and chetts berabis.

My other housemate Zirah, has gone back home. siok sdh makannya. nyaman sdh hatinya. tinggal me and diah. memburuk. buat bodoh and getting more retarded every single day. hehe. waiting for our parents to come over. kenapa notts ahir berabis graduation nya? aku nda suka. sama aku balum isi forms. kena marah lagi ni. on the second note. marah tah, batah sdh nda kena marah dapan dapan.

oh yesterday guruh! i sort of dont miss it lagi. sama ada sleet. on a summer in London, ada sleet. my first summer really. second lah.

im still a wee bit upset. mcm sekadar tapi im upset.

I’ve been thinking. malaikat maut visits us 70 times per day. what if time ya visit atu aku tgh meliat google si perezhilton? krg ya report arah ALLAH, hambaMU walaupun ya tadi pagi solat, tapi sdh ku lawat kali ke 30, meliat c chace crawford tia drooling kehenseman. walaupun ALLAH tau, tpi to think yg apart from malaikat di kanan sama kiri yg meliat apa aku buat. ada lagi saksi lain is sekaaarrry. aku takut wah.

sama cana kan tu ah. klw time solat, teringat cia benda2 bodoh yg alum dibuat. lapas atu ingat kan diri setan tu. sekali lapas atu ckp ehh behapa kan setan ani nada kraja lain. sekali ingat cia ehh aku kan sujud ni.. biar ya setan atu antak2 kepala nya arah dinding pasal aku sujud. sekali ilang ciaa konsentrasi atu kan. sekali ingat cia. yg ALLAH atu sedang menghadap muka tani selagi tani nda larikan pandangan mata tani dari the tikar sembahyang. sekali aku ingat cia jua. klw kami ‘lari’ dalam hati masa solat. ALLAH pun lari dari tani. sekali fkr cia. paloi jua aku atu ah. ahh mmg pon.

sekali nanti sdh di akhirat, ALLAH liat aku kah nda ah. aku jadi sedihhh nii klw nda.. sedihhh yang teramat.

sama aku fkr. klw babu sayang aku kan. ALLAH lagiii sayaang aku. klw aku boleh sayang babu berabis berabis. kenapa aku nda boleh sayang ALLAH lebihhh lebihh lagi. ALLAH gave me my mama to love. my mama who loves me is a gift from ALLAH. sama babahku jua. klw ALLAH nda sayang aku, ALLAH nda bagi aku nikmatNYA. kiranya, i feel ALLAH’s grace from everywhere around me. tapi kenapa aku jaraaaang laah bersyukur.a fren pernah ckp, awu kami ani slaves saja. tapi ALLAH layan first class yo. mana ada ya layan makhluk lain mcm ya layan tani. paling siok g jadi umat muhammad. tp tani mudaahhh saja di per alatkan fitnah dunia. tani selalu ckp hidup mesti berpandangan jauh. cana kan berpandangan jauh ani. persiapkan diri untul 10 tahun akan dtg kah? 15 tahun akan dtg kah? apakah?

peaches ckp dunia is boreng. banar. aku hidup, grow, basar, belajar, kawin, ada anak, jaga anak, jadi nini, lapas atu mati. and anak ku catu lah jua sampai hari kiamat. a cycle saja. ONE cycle onlehh. no second chances. krg di neraka nyasal. klw di dunia nyasal ok lah. masih ada masa untuk ALLAH ampunkan. and since, kami semua rasa kami masih ada masa ani. lakastahh tani minta ampun banyak banyak.

start with astaghfirullahakazim 100x

Bismillah.

salam.

dan aku masih disini.. merasai nikmatmu.. secebis nafas yang ku hela.. seteguk air yang ku minum.. setiap hajat ku yang termakbul.. setiap ilham yang kau titip ke dada ku agar aku menahan diriku dari kejahatan nafsu dan amarahku.. setiap nikmatMU yang ku dustakan.. hanya keampunan ku mohon padamu. agar kau tetap menitipkan dalam dadaku rahmah, iman dan taqwa.

jangan KAU tinggalkan aku ya Rabb terkapai kapai tanpa arah.. take care of me. take care of me. take care of my iman.

salam.

Oh ALLAH, help me find my way back to YOU..

These few days, I realised what I have been doing is wrong, tp dibuat jua. makanya, i can say, i wasnt blind, i wasnt ignorant, but i was stupid. cari pasaal kata orang. menegakkan yang batil tapi mengkelabukan yang haq. the question is not how to succumb to your desires but how to control your nafs. and saya telah buat keputusan. mudahan inda waver. I’m out.

and I need to trust myself again. I fear myself too much that it became a barrier between me and ALLAH. I don’t want to be a kafir, a munafiq or fasiq. Bismillah. amantubillahi warasulih.

Alhamdulillah. i can start packing now. I just realised that it did not mean anything to me until after mom called.

I think I’m in trouble. I think someone else is in trouble too. huhuhu.. I think I should stay away for a while. It’s scary. *trying not to think about it*

parentals are coming in a month’s time. it must be all the berkat doa’s. thank you ALLAH. alhamdulillah.

On the authority of Abu Dharr al-Ghifari (May Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (Allah’s peace ad blessings be upon him) is that among the sayings he relates from his Lord (may He be glorified) is that He said:

“O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another. O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance of Me and I shall guide you, O My servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food of Me and I shall feed you. O My servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek clothing of Me and I shall clothe you. O My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness of Me and I shall forgive you. O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and will not attain benefitting Me so as to benefit Me. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as pious as the most pious heart of any one man of you, that would not increase My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you, that would not decrease My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more that a needle decreases the sea if put into it. O My servants, it is but your deeds that I reckon up for you and then recompense you for, so let him finds good praise Allah and let him who finds other that blame no one but himself.”

It was related by Muslim (also by At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah).

taken from: islamonline.net

Things that I should be doing over summer:

1. Learn Tauhid in depth. I should have a strong foundation on ALLAH’s attributes. Thus, need to remind self to get more books yang lebih memberi pengetahuan.

2. Wardrobe makeover. Bismillah. A sayonara jahiliyah journey towards a better muslimah

3. Heart purification. hard hard hard. I’ll start with fasting insyallah.

4. Be more active. enuf said.

Other than that, we shall ‘abuse’ oneself with awesome halal food and the wonderful comforts of the family.

and of course, zina hati and mengumpat.

bismillah. amantubillahiwarasulih.

viva voce’s results out in a few hours time.

Reflecting on my iman for these past month..

First of all, my whole life I would have never thought to have gotten myself into a huge mess. Kak Kat said, the worse thing in life s to lose aqeedah. I agree, lebih baik mati dari hilang aqeedah. tapi apabila aqeedah sudah hilang, apa erti nya mati dan hidup? when ALLAH sudah nada dalam jiwa, apa ertinya hidup? Tidak ber erti. worthless.

Previously, your life, hanya untuk ALLAH. you mandi, with niat. ALLAH suka kebersihan, you brush your teeth, with niat, malaikat is annoyed when sisa makanan ada di celah2 gigi. you makan, with niat, untuk ibadah. you live you life for the sake of ALLAH. everything became meaningful. hati and jiwa tenteram. rasa dalam lindungan ALLAH selalu. dan apabila jiwa telah futur (sick n kotor) apabila ALLAH telah hilangkan rasa guilty dalam hati when you do a sin, that is when you realise something is wrong. tercari cari dimana salah dan silap dalam diri, dalam hati. dalam perbuatan, dalam niat dan iktiqad.

dan apabila, syaitan dan iblis connect with their clan, musyawwarah bagaimana untuk melenturkan niat dan iman dalam hati anak adam dengan was was, aqeedah pun terbolak balik. Kenapa akal dan fikiran mengiyakan concept yang sangat simple: ALLAH satu. Tiada tuhan selainNYA, hati tidak faham? sedangkan setiap degupan dalam hati menyebut nama ALLAH. kenapa hati? why? why? sebab foundation of islam is aqeedah. aqeedah, amalan dan niat. its a circle. Each and everyone of them is in a continuous flow. dan apabila circle dicucuk dengan was was, dengan buruk sangka, there’s a hole. lama-lama the whole makin besar.

dan akal sudah tidak sehati lagi dengan fikiran, sdh hilang ‘jiwa’nya. sudah hilang rinduNYA pada ALLAH. sudah hilang pujukan dari ya RABB untuk bersabar. kerana apa? kerana jiwa sdh futur. dan iblis pun ketawa gembira, meraikan kejayaan atas kejatuhan anak adam.

dan anak adam itu? dalam kesamaran cahaya mencari jalan pulang.

jalan pulangnya? taubat.

oh ALLAH. guide me as you have guided me before. oh ALLAH bencinya aku pada jahiliyah, pada kekafiran, pada iblis yang merosakkan. oh ALLAH. oh ALLAH. oh ALLAH. i would rather you test me on issues concerning dunya. where is that password protect button???!!!!! *cynical lol* oh ALLAH.. make me love you and my apostle more than I love anything in this world. ya ALLAH jauhilah hatiku dari mengutarakan kata-kata yang bukan sepatutnya dari mukmin. If I am not a mukmim today, make me a mukmin at the later part of the day and tomorrow.

dan perjuangan ku dari menjauhi zina hati. oh ALLAH. it’s sooo hard.

but thank YOU ALLAH, for crossing my paths with some other individual that you have tested with the same ordeal. terima kasih kerana menemukan ku dengan nya. makes me know that at the end of this dark tunnel, ada light as long as i look for it. i want to live for YOU without being a hypocryte. I want to live under YOUR rules, YOUR guidance. I want you to bestow me the strength to get pass this ordeal walaupun  I know I have failed. I want to walk towards you in baby steps and I know you will run towards me in a pace i would know not.

Next step – usaha dan percaya. bismillah. amantubillahiwarasulih.

Salam

I’ve been away for the past week me thinks? visiting friends in loughborough and manchester. Time has been used wisely. Again, the importance of jemaah has been stressed upon. iA, the people who came have benefitted from it. Three things that I wish to improve myself upon. Aqeedah, jemaah prayer and sayonara jahiliah. slowly. may ALLAH help me to the straight path. amin amin amin.

Results are out in a couple of days. viva too! I hope results would be alright. I’m soo tired. I don’t know what ALLAH has instore for me. I hope its for the best.

I need to purify my heart and my soul. bismillah. amantubillahi warasulih (Aku beriman pada ALLAH dan rasulNYA). may ALLAH show me his guidance.

Salam.

I realised dalam mendalami Islam, iblis and syaitan will never fail to cucuk-cucuk manusia. semakin kami dalami Islam, semakin kuatlah iblis-iblis and syaitan syaitan antar pasukan nya untuk membisikkan sesuatu ke dalam hati manusia. klw yg satu ani, nda dapat meyakinkan manusia untuk membuat kejahatan, durang antar lagi syaitan who is better to cucuk – cucuk you. Thus, kami mesti ada shield supaya they won’t be one step ahead of us.

I was looking for answers on evil thoughts. It’s scary. pasal you tend to think of yourself jahat. and you tend to be hairan cemana boleh kami tiba2 saja fkr benda-benda bodoh. Thus, below:

“Evil thoughts could very well be whisperings of Satan. Whenever such thoughts occur to you, you must turn your attention immediately away from them by seeking refuge in Allah (by saying: “A`udhu billahi mina ash-shaytani-r-rajim; I seek refuge and protection in Allah from Satan, the accursed”). The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Allah has forgiven my Ummah of the whisperings of their souls so long as they do not talk about it or act accordingly.”

To explain this further, our thoughts can be divided into different categories: 1) the constant self-talk or idle thoughts that assail our minds over which we have no control; 2) thoughts that we dwell on; 3) intentions that we formulate based on those thoughts. We are not accountable for the first stage, namely the self-talk unless we dwell on them and nurture them in our minds, since we have no control over them. We are accountable if we dwell on them as well as for the deliberate intentions that we formulate based on these thoughts.

Having said this, it is also crucial for us to consider the treacherous nature of our hearts (more precisely our souls) and must exercise vigilance against them. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) taught us that “Hearts are ever changing.” The word “qalb” in Arabic means twisting and turning. So we must take care to dismiss and reject bad thoughts that assail our hearts and minds by ever turning to Allah for refuge and protection. We must also recognize that ultimately we have no power to master these evil inclinations except through the help of Allah. The remedy and cure therefore lies in consistency in dhikr (remembrance of Allah) and istighfar (seeking Allah’s forgiveness).

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) taught us the following du`a’s (supplications) to master the evil inclinations of our souls, and, accordingly, these must form part of the daily spiritual regimen of every believer:

Allahumma ya muqalliba al-qulub thabbit qalbi `ala dinika. (O Allah, O You Who are the twister of hearts, so make my heart firm and steadfast on Your religion).

Rabbi a`udhu bika min hamazati ash-shayatin.
(My Lord, I seek Your refuge and protection against the whisperings of devils).

Finally, read the Sayyid al-Istighfar (master supplication for forgiveness) in the morning as well as before retiring to bed: Allahumma, anta rabbi, la ilaha illa anta; khalaqtani wa ana `abduka, wa ana `ala `ahdika wa wa`dika ma istata`tu; a`udhu bika min sharri ma sana`tu; abu’u laka bi ni`matika `alayya wa abu’u bi dhanbi; fa ighfir li, fa innahu la yaghfiru al-dhunuba illa anta. (O Allah, You are my Lord, there is no god but You; You have created me, and I am Your servant, and I stand firm on my covenant with You according to the best of my ability; I seek refuge in You from the evils of my own actions; I acknowledge Your favors upon me and I confess my sins to You; so forgive me, for no one has power to forgive sins except You.)

Finally, examine yourself, and see if you have been guilty of any major sins; if you have been, make sincere repentance to Allah from all of them without delay.” (Source: www.islam.ca)

I hope everyone can benefit from this esp myself. amin.

Narrated ‘Ata’ bin Yazid Al-Laithi:

On the authority of Abu Huraira: The people said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Shall we see our Lord on the Day of Resurrection?” The Prophet said, “Do you have any difficulty in seeing the moon on a full moon night?” They said, “No, O Allah’s Apostle.” He said, “Do you have any difficulty in seeing the sun when there are no clouds?” They said, “No, O Allah’s Apostle.” He said, “So you will see Him, like that. Allah will gather all the people on the Day of Resurrection, and say, ‘Whoever worshipped something (in the world) should follow (that thing),’ so, whoever worshipped the sun will follow the sun, and whoever worshiped the moon will follow the moon, and whoever used to worship certain (other false) deities, he will follow those deities. And there will remain only this nation with its good people (or its hypocrites). (The sub-narrator, Ibrahim is in doubt.) Allah will come to them and say, ‘I am your Lord.’ They will (deny Him and) say, ‘We will stay here till our Lord comes, for when our Lord comes, we will recognize Him.’ So Allah will come to them in His appearance which they know, and will say, ‘I am your Lord.’ They will say, ‘You are our Lord,’ so they will follow Him.

Then a bridge will be laid across Hell (Fire)’ I and my followers will be the first ones to go across it and none will speak on that Day except the Apostles. And the invocation of the Apostles on that Day will be, ‘O Allah, save! Save!’ In Hell (or over The Bridge) there will be hooks like the thorns of As-Sa’dan (thorny plant). Have you seen As-Sa’dan? ” They replied, “Yes, O Allah’s Apostle!” He said, “So those hooks look like the thorns of As-Sa’dan, but none knows how big they are except Allah. Those hooks will snap the people away according to their deeds. Some of the people will stay in Hell (be destroyed) because of their (evil) deeds, and some will be cut or torn by the hooks (and fall into Hell) and some will be punished and then relieved. When Allah has finished His Judgments among the people, He will take whomever He will out of Hell through His Mercy. He will then order the angels to take out of the Fire all those who used to worship none but Allah from among those whom Allah wanted to be merciful to and those who testified (in the world) that none has the right to be worshipped but Allah. The angels will recognize them in the Fire by the marks of prostration (on their foreheads), for the Fire will eat up all the human body except the mark caused by prostration as Allah has forbidden the Fire to eat the mark of prostration. They will come out of the (Hell) Fire, completely burnt and then the water of life will be poured over them and they will grow under it as does a seed that comes in the mud of the torrent.

Then Allah will finish the judgments among the people, and there will remain one man facing the (Hell) Fire and he will be the last person among the people of Hell to enter Paradise. He will say, ‘O my Lord! Please turn my face away from the fire because its air has hurt me and its severe heat has burnt me.’ So he will invoke Allah in the way Allah will wish him to invoke, and then Allah will say to him, ‘If I grant you that, will you then ask for anything else?’ He will reply, ‘No, by Your Power, (Honor) I will not ask You for anything else.’ He will give his Lord whatever promises and covenants Allah will demand.

So Allah will turn his face away from Hell (Fire). When he will face Paradise and will see it, he will remain quiet for as long as Allah will wish him to remain quiet, then he will say, ‘O my Lord! Bring me near to the gate of Paradise.’ Allah will say to him, ‘Didn’t you give your promises and covenants that you would never ask for anything more than what you had been given? Woe on you, O Adam’s son! How treacherous you are!’ He will say, ‘O my lord,’ and will keep on invoking Allah till He says to him, ‘If I give what you are asking, will you then ask for anything else?’ He will reply, ‘No, by Your (Honor) Power, I will not ask for anything else.’

Then he will give covenants and promises to Allah and then Allah will bring him near to the gate of Paradise. When he stands at the gate of Paradise, Paradise will be opened and spread before him, and he will see its splendor and pleasures whereupon he will remain quiet as long as Allah will wish him to remain quiet, and then he will say, O my Lord! Admit me into Paradise.’ Allah will say, ‘Didn’t you give your covenants and promises that you would not ask for anything more than what you had been given?’ Allah will say, ‘Woe on you, O Adam’s son! How treacherous you are! ‘

The man will say, ‘O my Lord! Do not make me the most miserable of Your creation,’ and he will keep on invoking Allah till Allah will laugh because of his sayings, and when Allah will laugh because of him, He will say to him, ‘Enter Paradise,’ and when he will enter it, Allah will say to him, ‘Wish for anything.’ So he will ask his Lord, and he will wish for a great number of things, for Allah Himself will remind him to wish for certain things by saying, ‘(Wish for) so-and-so.’ When there is nothing more to wish for, Allah will say, ‘This is for you, and its equal (is for you) as well.”

‘Ata’ bin Yazid added: Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri who was present with Abu Huraira, did not deny whatever the latter said, but when Abu Huraira said that Allah had said, “That is for you and its equal as well,” Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri said, “And ten times as much, O Abu Huraira!” Abu Huraira said, “I do not remember, except his saying, ‘That is for you and its equal as well.’” Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri then said, “I testify that I remember the Prophet saying, ‘That is for you, and ten times as much.’ ‘ Abu Huraira then added, “That man will be the last person of the people of Paradise to enter Paradise.”